Baseballs are not the only thing people blow up.

I HAVE NO PLANS TO ATTEND THIS!!!

I tried my hand as an agent... I set up deals for Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and Shaq.... they all fired me.

Hope they had a great Valentines Day, I hear both the florists & gun shops had sweetheart sales. All my valentines were ticking for some reason. :(

I have learned one thing in life that is always true... airborne things are bad.

I was invited to this wedding! I got them walkie-talkies as a wedding gift... the bride got all mad at me.

This seems MUCH BETTER than what I found in my bathroom last night

And I thought baseballs were hard to catch

I went to the supermarket and accidentally started a fight between two guys about "paper vs. plastic". I feel so bad.

This morning I finally caught that pesky rodent that's been living under the log at the zoo. The crowd cheered me on as I beat him senseless with my shovel.

The NFL asked me if MTV could put on a good halftime show for the big game.

I said "SURE! It is not like anyone is going to have a 'wardrobe malfunction' or anything like that."